A Dangerous beHavioral Disorder
ADHD for short. No idea why I wrote the title like that but we ball.
This post is really an idea that shocked me enough to think "This is a really good post to explain to my readers!" as context. Whether you believe this to be my reason or not, ultimately it's me giving you all context and why I think it is a cause.
I was diagnosed as a kid with ADHD basically. I wasn't even sure how or why but I have memories that I'd actually love to break it down to you readers! Because maybe it'll be insightful if you readers resonate with this or maybe you could reach out and tell me what you think! But that's not really the main reason, I just feel like sharing it like I do plenty here.
Anyways, (To make a point, I left this drafted for 34 minutes) it's a struggle honestly to even say it because I literally can't write this post with a focus. Legitimately. Thus my parentheses ().
I'm honest. Even now I'm struggling to tell you all because I wanna do like a billion things all at once and I can't do any of them. WHY!? seriously, WHY!? that's so fucking jarring to read because it's TRUE!
Indecision is honest to god the death of leadership in your own life. No not like managers and business, I mean being in control of your life. Like my own life. I wanna do plenty of things this summer.
I wanna do the co-op but I am still waiting for the job listings. I want my teeth to be better but my appointments are sparse and money is tight. I wanna play games! and fortunately I have been making good progress in gaming (2 games the other day was 100%ed). I wanna see movies but I can only watch some before I lose interest hard (I saw the Dollars trilogy, the review on that comes soon, I saw Hateful Eight just now as I write so another review post on that too). I wanna GO TO CONCORD SO BAD! but I chose not to do this weekend for some fucking reason!
It's not just that. It's the fact how I do this stuff. In my childhood I could be chalked up as just "hyperactive" but I notice it must've spilt into my adulthood if it's not "ADHD" then wtf is this? I only ace my classes because I abandon my social life hard. So I get obsessed with grades and feel emotional about it more than "Oh I should really try to talk to strangers!" because trust me, I tried, it just sucks.
Maybe I should do a rant post tonight, I feel like it but we'll see how my fire burns here. Ironically I know what's going on right now. I'm nonsensically talking about how I know I'm being nonsensical because I'm hyper caffinated and it's only 8PM! I might crash asleep later or I might just stay up all night LMAOOO WHO KNOWS AT THIS POINT!?
Okay, idk anymore what to say cuz I de-railed. But I'll say more anymore about exactly this point. I really do not have a normal brain for sure. Maybe we all don't? I'm not a expert on all honesty but it's funny. I can talk about the political decay about the late-staged capitalist wasteland that is the USA. Or I'd rant about 19th century history and why it relates to my modern life. Or I can talk about the ethics of ghosts sexually assaulting people. Or there would be a weird talk about how quantum physics to me is just as fake as general relativity. Or I could talk about if being queer is normal or maybe conservatives are right about it being a phase? That one is loaded lmao. But it shows how my brain work, don't it? It really feels like a rant. But maybe that's why I feel compelled to write this out to you readers incase it makes any sense to resonate or not with me.
Awful long post, the shame is that i really do wanna make neat little perfect posts but no one is really reading my fucking posts... thats the problem, I'm writing into a public blog that no one reads. If you are reading now, perhaps either you felt guilty or you're a real one. If you're the former, I don't like you. You only read my words because you want to make me feel better.
... odd, why did i become this way? Perhaps I'm going insane. Help maybe?
So yeah I'll wrap it up with this. My life is very ADHD-coded. I talk about all sorts of shit. From video games to history to science to politics. I don't know why I rant more, that was my original point, wasn't it? The writers breaking point! This is my breaking point! IM BREAKING THE POINT LMAO okay no lame joke but hey, can't kick a guy for trying to give this shit pile of a post some levy.
I'll just cut straight to it then. Love you all, I don't care if I don't know you some or if I know you, you're reading this, you're probably someone who I'd love to talk to in some other life. Here is your song as a treat: Song!
... no genuinely, if you care this much, thanks. Love you <3